Window to the reality

Some thoughts sometimes in 2020..

Should I write about Covid-19 pandemy, which started sometimes in March 2020. First I was faszinated, I observed, read about the development, every day and in different electronic newspapers. I saw myself in the role of the objectiv observer. I did not feel that I had to care about it personally, that it would impact me as a being. But reading every day about it, changed my mind, my thoughts, my life and behaviour. It came slowely and silently and creeped into my subconsciousness that the virus is here and restricts my feelings and behaviour. I never felt a fear, but I stayed at home a lot, even, when I did not have to. I was convinced to get the infection, I started to think about staying at home and I did stay at home, I did not step out into the fresh air, I stayed at home and I felt good. At this moment I realized that I did not need to have an excuse to stay at home, as I like to stay inside my own four walls. But I also realized, that I was thinking about the right time to step outside to go shopping, I was thinking of the necessitiy to go outside, where normally I would have just gone, whenever I felt that I wanted to go. 

I thought of a brainwash, I brainwashed myself, I got into a habit of reading the newspapers every day, several times a day, check the number of new infections, read the opinion of all the scientists, epidemologists, virologists, the plus, the minus, the way the newpapers reported about the development, where they took the liberty to do more than just a report, where there were writers comment and their opinion and I thought about conspiracy, but by whom and why should that be, what is the benefit for the newspapers to write about this, to take sides, and who is behind all this? 

Time will tell, eventually. I am back on normal ground, that is what I thought. And I decided to go outside and travel again.